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New Years Resolution 2013 - What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open. - Muriel Rukseyer
New Years Resolution 2013
Resolution: be happy when the crazies lose interest

OR: don't rewrite the story with a happy ending (and middle, and beginning)

It's tragic, really. Things end, thank goodness, yet I feel a pang of sadness to feel they've moved on. I am always the one holding the strings, and I should be thankful when they drop their end. Game over, no more struggle.

Rather, no sooner has the external tussle subsided than I start editing. Details are glossed over, blemishes airbrushed. I tidy up the details, make the antagonist (not me, never me!) more lovable.

Why? Why feel a sense of loss when the text messages slow, then stop. We weren't friends before, why would I expect us to be friends now? Especially since I know you differently than others do? Our relationship has been erased, but with a broad brush that's extended beyond the borders of what we had prior. There is negative space from where we are now less than acquaintances - you share less with me now than you did before we became close.

Except - ha - it turns out that when you share things with custom groups on facebook, and mutual friends comment on them, I can still see them. Funny thing, that facebook.

There are three stories to write. Action, and reaction, and opposite reaction. I suppose Action is yours to write, although heaven knows I could try. Reaction is for me to be hurt. To sink into that void of "less than friends", to feel like I am somehow inferior and did something wrong. This is a story I've written many times. Gosh, sequels are really quite boring, aren't they? Opposite reaction is novel. Perhaps a mystery. Why hide pictures of you and him from me? Why do you not want me to see you with a smiling face? Part of me wants to keep letting this story play out, to see how you depict things to me. Of course, the other part doesn't want to be engaged with this ridiculous indulgent piece of drivel.

There's another option, of course. To stop the damned writing. Stop inventing. It is what it is (oooh even if you're not going to stop writing, please stop the cliches!). This story isn't worth the effort, other than to say "thank goodness this chapter is over - time to move on".
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